


Sleepless nights

by Zwiezraczek



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bad at Love, Cheating, F/F, F/M, Failed Marriage, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, Passion, Secret Relationship, Tiger Lily and the King, too much feelings for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 19:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zwiezraczek/pseuds/Zwiezraczek
Summary: When he said yes to her, he forbid himself to see him again, to think about him again.And JJ fell in love, he was deeply in love, crazy in love; but the love of his life couldn't see this. And he hoped, that maybe one day...ForTorin-is-gay





	Sleepless nights

**Author's Note:**

> My gift for [Torin-is-gay](https://torin-is-gay.tumblr.com/) for the Pliroy Valentine exchange! I really hope you will enjoy reading it!!! ♥
> 
> I was inspired by your playlist and the singers you like, I tried to catch more or less the vibe of what you were listening to (like [Unholy by Hey Violet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA0MMwfylqc), I listened to [Ghost by Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao4o-XRU_KM) too *I know it wasn't on your playlist buuut I could'nt help myself haha* and [Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6jxPFtIAnw)) and I hope I succeeded a little bit! ♥
> 
> Just a side note: bisexuals/pansexuals _aren't_ cheaters, not more than anyone. Just wanted to clarify this ^^

   If Yuri was a flower, he would be a tiger lily. The French royal flower, and even if they both knew he didn't belong to royalty, he kept calling him his lily but only in his dreams. He never admitted for how long he dreamt about the Russian gold haired boy, sleeping next to Bella, running his hands trough her hair as if they were his, these honey sweet hair shining under the colourful spotlights, the red ones, the blue ones, the lilacs and the peach ones. Under his tinted glasses, the blond looked at the Kazakh, a charming smile adorning his pretty face as he came closer to him to give him his hand, he took off his glove with the perfect pearl teeth, as casually as always. What a fucker, he thought looking at him with a dark look, Bella sneaking in his arms, a radiant smile on her face; a red print left on his maple syrup face, he feigned the most happy man on Earth: but he couldn't be. Not without his blond flower.

   When he said yes to her, he forbid himself to see him again, to think about him again. He stood there, hand in hand with the man he shared his life with -the man JJ wished, he still wishes to be-, his golden locks resting on the elder shoulder, peaceful features drawn on his face, a little flush on his cheeks; he could have been an angel, God's light falling on his frail figure, enlightening his perfect flower, his petals, star-like dust dancing all around him, and his eyes, emerald gleaming in stained glass window's colourful light. The one thing JJ wished, he believed that he would stop him from making the worst decision in his life. Sadly, his angel just let him kiss the bride. Bella looked stunning, her shining hair all tied back in a strange hairstyle, her pulpy wine lips on his, closing her eyes, and tickling his cheeks with her eyelashes as he looked at the love of his life, flying away from him.

His hand shaking, cutting the wedding cake and smiling for all the photographs under all these hands clapping. Nathalie wiping Alain's tears as they watched their son, now married to a good girl, looking happy, blessed, and they already felt proud about him, more than ever; but what they couldn't see, they couldn't feel that their son couldn't feel the joy he was supposed to. His eyes running all around the room, looking for his angel, his tiger lily illuminating this dreadful moment; only seeing his happy face, a flute of champagne between his pearly fingers, hearing his cheering, seeing Otabek's kisses landing in the hollow of his neck, making his beautiful flower smiling more: he seemed so happy now. How much he hated his own witness, they once used to be best friends, and everybody thought it still was the case but since he stole his lover, the one he always teased before competitions, laughing loudly, calling him “Yuri-chan” and never feeling the urge to baptize him “Yurio” because of the Japanese stealing Viktor's heart; the only one loosing his chance of being friends with him, regretting it during every sleepless night next to Bella curling up next to him, hiding in his torso and mumbling sweet words in her sleep. She didn't deserve him. And he knew that.

 

   “Take a breath Jean, you can do this.” Pressing his phone on his ear, biting his lower lip, nervous as never, he looked in every direction at the Canadian airport, searching tiger prints in the crowd, examining every inch of the terminal he stood in. Bella took a while for herself, going to see her family in China for the next few days -her sister's birthday, or her brother: he really couldn't care less at that moment- and it happened to be the moment that Yuri chose to come to Canada, being on bad terms with Otabek for a while. The Kazakh didn't even called JJ to talk about his problems with his beloved one, but Yuri did despite his particular (des)affection for JJ. Unbelievable, but true. He texted him first, acknowledging him that -ready or not- he landed in Canada this afternoon and hoped that he would come to pick him up to his apartment; he didn't bother himself to ask if Bella gave her consent, neither Yuri did.

_From: Yuri_

_Landed. Gonna arrive in ten minutes. Hope Potya won't scratch your eyes out when she'll see ya._

_Delivered at 5:26 p.m._

_To: Yuri_

_Perfect Yuri-chan. Can't wait to have two cats at home._

_Sent /Received at 5:27 p.m._

“You're so stupid Jean”, he said as he facepalmed himself while sending the message. Why did he felt the need to tease him again? Wasn't he supposed to try to talk to him, passing a good moment together or at least trying? Taken from his deep thoughts by a tap on his shoulder, and a familiar “Oi”, said with the voice he missed so much, he could only hear through the screen when speaking with Otabek sometimes about their routines, or hearing him mumbling at him, when the Russian fell on the second place on the podium, swearing at him while he would just smile at him and kiss the gold medal, applauded by Bella, proudly wearing her husband's name. He finally saw him, close to him, touching him without any anger, nor hitting him as he did while he laughed in the backstage after competitions while Otabek would try to calm him down. It felt like heaven.

\- First, don't ask stupid questions, he began crossing his arms now on his chest, Potya on the luggage in her own little fluffy cage, eyes shining in the darkness behind the bars. Second, I'm not in the mood to talk about what you want to know. The only thing I want is to be as far as possible from this motherfucker. And please, respect that.

He remained silent, nodding softly and took the tiger printed luggage, and Potya's box in the other hand.

 

   Two nights in a row he heard the blond sobbing in the room next to him, staying behind the door, a hand set down on the wood, nails gently tapping on it. He sat on the floor, back against the door, fingers running through his own hair while thinking about all of this. Otabek texted him twice in two days, asking if he knew where Yuri was: JJ didn't bothered himself and decided to not answer until he knew what really happened between them. Sniffing, blowing, Potya's meows, he heard everything but couldn't find the courage to knock. The King himself felt hopeless. Laughing at his own lack of courage, stupidity, he finally stood up making his way to the kitchen. The door creaked behind him, delicate steps on the fluffy carped.

\- JJ, a disheartened voice whispered that made the Canadian heart-break into a million pieces as he turned around and saw his reddish eyes, wet under his eyes, seeing a tear rolling on his cheek as he quickly wiped it away; no mattered what, his angel still remained exquisite, in this large sweatshirt, printed pants, and his cat at his feet. Can we... Talk? Please?

He sobbed again, a little sound escaping from his lips.

\- Sure, let's have a seat; I'll make some tea, ok?

Yuri nodded softly, walking on clouds to the large olive couch, holding a cushion against his chest, hiding his face in it as JJ boiled some water for them two. He didn't dare to look at him, scared of what he would do, seeing his heart ripped again as the day he fell in love with him. He filled the cups with warm water, put them on the little table in front of his lily, and sat next to him, ready to listen. He stayed patient during the previous days, taking him on practice never mentioning Otabek's messages -he could easily figure out that the one harassed with messages was not him-, trying to make him laugh and even succeeding sometimes, he even petted Potya -and she seemed to appreciate him somehow-; and now, he had to be ready to hear everything he wanted, or didn't wanted, to know.

\- I don't even know where to begin, he softly stared revealing his face from behind the cushion. Shit, how bad I must feel to confess to somebody, he whispered to himself half-smiling in despair.

\- You don't have to talk about it, you know.

\- But I fucking need to, he answered looking him dead in the eyes. First of all, he said after taking a deep breath, Otabek is an asshole and don't even try to tell me otherwise. Won't accept it, JJ silent let him continue. So, it was three days ago, or four... I can't remember well. The fucker came back home, with a smile on his fucking face; you should see this fucking smile, he's a devil I swear, his breathing became confuse, irregular as he continued declaiming. I asked why he was so damn happy, he said because he sees me and all the bullshit you say when you're fifteen and want to flirt with a fucking teenager. He still thinks I'm a teenager, what a dumbass, he sobbed again, wiping with rage another tear escaping from his emerald. You must know he decided to “take a break in his skating career to focus on music”, he repeated pretending to be the Kazakh, because “you know babe, music is important too”. Shit talking.

JJ quietly admired him speaking, he certainly was the last person Yuri wanted to talk to at this moment, but somewhere in his heart JJ blessed this moment.

\- And when he get to the bathroom this nigh, he received a message and I couldn't help myself and looked at; and well, he never told me nothing when I took his phone or something like this, I'm not a creep, he acknowledged JJ with a brief look, as if he was the one who was responsible of all this situation. And I saw... Her, he whispered pulling the cushion closer to his chest. And she wrote all the gross things that I couldn't imagine. And I just wanted to throw his fucking phone, or yell at him, or kick him out, or kill him, his voice softened, tears appeared in his eyes. And he came back and I... I smiled... And lied and, he finally cracked, starting to cry.

JJ felt powerless. He wasn't ready to hear that, how could someone cheat on this fabulous creature? How somebody could be so cruel to make him cry every tear from his heart? Otabek was worthless now, he was less that he already was in JJ's heart. The shivering angel hide his face behind his golden locks, thrusting his nails into the fabric, little whining slipping from his parted lips. And JJ took him in his arms, putting the cushion away, the angel having his forehead against his chest, JJ ruffling his smooth hair gently, feeling the tears disappearing on his t-shirt, comforting him softly as his heart skipped a beat. He could smell his coconut hair, touch it forever, a hand around his waist as Yuri just grabbed his t-shirt, crying louder and louder. At every cry, the Canadian heart died a bit, feeling a part of his soul falling with Yuri's despair; he felt joy and rage at the same time, wanted to kill and to kiss, two feelings looking the same, except two letters. As if he heard his mind, Yuri rose his head; his blushing face covered with the salty liquid, swallowing quietly, the flame in his eyes was gone, and the only light in the room reflected all the feelings in these green eyes.

\- Kiss me, please; his voice seemed desperate, his claws catching JJ's t-shirt, gleaming eyes, as if he wanted to drown his despair forever, and forget all of it.

The dark eyes never shined brighter, his lips hesitated as he hydrated them with his tongue. Putting his hand on his cheek, feeling the salty pearls on his porcelain face as they rolled to his thumb; he put his forehead on his, breathing his breath, nose bumping and lips closer that he could ever imagine.

\- That's immoral, Yuri-chan, he whispered with a smirk on his face, expecting that it would bring him back on the right path, that Yuri wouldn't wander anymore.

\- We are fucking immoral, Yuri answered before pushing his lips against the Canadian ones, tasting like the green tea he just drank a few moments before.

The brown haired man could finally taste heaven. It was sweet and wet, beautiful and dangerous as his teeth scratched on his own lips, the pale face between his large hands, stroking his cheeks; he couldn't get enough of him, he wanted so much from him. The frail body climbed on his thigh, pushing him somehow against the olive couch as he pushed his tongue deeper, as he played with his body more and more. It felt like to drop forever, fallen angel finding his reward, a holly creature blessing the villain with his holly water invading his head, his mind, his whole body. It felt immoral, more immoral than ever; neither of them knew who seemed to blame here, who used who, and who needed who. They ended up kissing, bumping their noses, drawing their curves under their pyjamas, quivering with pleasure, loving each other. They should regret, both; but they didn't.

 

   What happened to them, to both of them? Yuri never liked JJ, and yet he kissed him. He felt lonely, he felt desperate; this kiss and the night mean nothing, right? Potya sitting on his matters, he petted her with one of his hands trying to figure out why he liked what happened the previous evening, why his lips tasted so sweet, why his gasping as he said his name felt so good, why all his gentle moves on his body tasted like a hellish pleasure and why, oh God why, he couldn't feel guilty for what he indirectly did to Bella. She didn't deserve that, she always smiled when she saw him and this motherfucker, she always encouraged him because he was her witness' boyfriend; Bella didn't deserved what happened. What they did seemed so wrong, and yet it felt so right. It wasn't because of his pretty Canadian face, of his stupid jokes, of his gentle moves, of his sun-kissed skin, of his shining eyes... Or maybe? And as days goes on, the blonde couldn't get enough of cuddles, of sweet words in his ear -the ones he missed for a long time now, the ones that made him sleep without any fear-, of his warmth during the whole nights as his large hands were running in his hair, as if they were made to do this. He asked himself why, why he always searched for something he couldn't reach, something that wasn't his and would never be.

\- Jay, he whispered as he was trapped between his arms, under the covers.

\- Hm, the groan still sounded sweet.

\- You know we shouldn't, right; in fact it wasn't a question, it was an answer; he just wanted to be sure, to feel secure, to not see his heart falling into pieces again.

\- It's up to you, he answered rewarding him with a kiss on his hair, smelling like coconut. If you want to stop, say it to me. Won't be mad, never could be mad at you. I just want you to be happy.

\- And are you happy now?

\- Never was more, Yuri-chan.

And they kept this secret, until they had to split up. Bella came home, Yuri came back to Russia in his flat where Otabek waited him tearing his hair out because he didn't knew where his so-called “lover” was, and Yuri just smiled saying he needed a break, saying he had a breakdown, never mentioning the message he saw. He had his secrets? Fine. Now, Yuri had his secret, the sweetest of them all.

  It became a fun game for Yuri, teasing JJ during competitions, winking at his while nobody was looking; keeping it all secret. It felt more exciting that he would thing it would be, behind closed doors, kissing like afraid teenagers, laughing loud and louder everytime, about anything, and everyone thinking that they became friends for no reason; but at every photograph, an eye sliding one on another, searching each other's gaze, sharing a moment, feeling like children again, being afraid of being caught by both of their “lovers”. JJ was fleeing responsibilities, Yuri was fleeing his loneliness; both leaded by love, a burning passion. A Tiger Lily and a King, a tale of the beating hearts beating and answering to each other. This was a tale of a forbidden love, a tale of a flower and a crown.

 


End file.
